adhd-alien.tumblr.com/post/791…
Oooof... yeah...
I have a task reminder on my phone for showers because I don't really feel it until it gets grimy (and my sense of smell is kinda broken). Plus I had to dish out a subscription to one because it's the rare task app that does relative deadlines (ie. instead of every 3 days for a task, it's 3 days since the task was last completed), because time blindness and memory issues means if I miss a reminder I can convince myself I just did it yesterday when it was actually a week ago. But a reminder where I actually did it yesterday just leads to me ignoring the reminder. On top of all that is the executive dysfunction where I can get distracted and just not do things until I don't have the spoons to do them.
State of my apartment is painfully shameful and is a reflection of my stress and depression... I simply don't have the spoons to keep up with all but the most critical of cleaning. It's a lot of executive function spoons to start cleaning in the first place, let alone juggle the array of things to clean. That's before even getting to the physical exhaustion and pain of standing and bending all coming from my physical disability.
... If you've visited me in my home, know that I'm ashamed and just swallowing it because the isolation is worse than the shame.
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L'homme qui regarde l'horizon ne voit pas la prairie devant lui.
La première occurrence trouvée pour ce "proverbe" date de 2011. A l'époque, il était décrit comme un proverbe chinois. Cependant, il est inconnu en Chine. Il ne s'agit pas non plus d'un proverbe amérindien. Il s'agit d'une citation anonyme.
psychaanalyse.com/pdf/CITATION…
Quand le sage montre la lune, l'imbécile regarde le doigt.
Ce "proverbe" est apparu en France, un peu avant les années 1970, sur une affiche de l'École des études orientales de Paris. Il a ensuite été repris dans le monde anglo-saxon. Il est une déformation d'une parole attribuée à Bouddha dans le Shurangama Sutra, volume 2.
Extrait du Shurangama Sutra, volume 2:
Le Bouddha dit à Anand : «Tu écoutes encore le Dharma avec un esprit conditionné, et ainsi le Dharma est lui aussi conditionné, et tu n'obtiens pas la nature du Dharma. C'est comme quand quelqu'un pointe la lune du doigt pour la montrer à quelqu'un d'autre. Guidé par le doigt, cette personne devrait voir la lune. S'il regarde le doigt et le confond avec la lune, il perd non seulement la lune, mais aussi le doigt. Pourquoi ? Parce qu'il confond le doigt pointé avec la lune brillante.»
... I've got to love that I occasionally find myself in deeply technical discussions with people who probably make 2-4 times as much as I do doing just these things...
And here I am struggling because...
... it's a rare workplace I don't have a personality clash with, regardless of how hard I try to mask...
... I have no capacity for marketing and too much anxiety for the inconsistencies of contract work...
... and too much workplace instability trauma to move from my current job unless forced...
I wish UBI was a thing so I could just dive in to open source projects and not spend most of my time either working or recovering from work...
Shiri Bailem
in reply to Shiri Bailem • •For reference and clarity:
I've come to accept I'm a good, if unpolished, programmer. (Not that I have the confidence to feel like I'm good) I really only program in python now, but I used to routinely learn new programming languages.
I've come to accept I'm a really good linux admin.
... and I work in billing for a barely afloat trucking brokerage making $22/hour.
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