Feeling gratitude
I'm feeling really grateful today and just wanted to share that feeling.
I'm grateful for...
* Living in a time when HRT is available
* Having easy access to it even though I live in the state of Texas
* Being blessed by the boob fairy (46B after 6-months when most trans-femmes are lucky to hit A-cup after 2 years... insert suspense tone for what that means for later)
* HRT absolutely demolishing body/hair growth and making everything very manageable
* Liking pickles before HRT so it's not as confusing
* HRT feminizing my face enough that I feel comfortable going out without makeup
* My hair, which was just a short mess before... now just magically grew into a cute bob with zero effort (and this is it's maximum length... I do lament not having longer hair though)
* Having an incredibly supportive adoptive family
* Skirts, dear god the skirts I've got now are so damn comfy
* Randomly knowing how to adjust my voice properly so I skipped voice training entirely
* A work from home job that allowed me to easily transition before ever worrying about work
* A Christian boss (also owner of the company) who was baffled at the idea I even had something to worry about with coming out at work... in a traditionally conservative industry
* Being born it Illinois which makes it trivially easy to update my birth certificate (just waiting on the legal name change documents first so I can do both at the same time)
#LGBTQIA #LGBT #TransFemme #Trans #TransWoman #Pride #HRT #AntiCisTamines #TittySkittles #AntiBoyotics #Boobs
You know what's great to learn at 38, right before bedtime one night, after a whole life time of struggle...
That your mother traumatized you with ADHD to the point where actually pushing myself against ADHD is a trigger... making it so no amount of coping skills can help me push myself for any real length of time...
I'd try and do something that requires a push, even a little one... and be crying... and I thought it was just the feeling of hitting my dopamine... but nooooo... now I'm unpacking that it was me getting triggered at the feeling of pushing my reserves at all...
That explains so damn much and makes me feel so damn hurt and angry...
I was forced to push myself so far so often as a kid and she didn't ever relent when I was critically over-extended on dopamine... usually around cleaning. I'm remembering so many times crying and sobbing on the floor because she demanded I clean to an extreme standard and I wasn't allowed to do anything else until I met her approval...
And I've been running my whole life fucking kneecapped by this... I thought I just had it worse than most (with ADHD) on my ability to push myself on tasks... but no... it's because I realize now I can't fucking push myself at all because my fucking brain just jumps straight to that extreme pain and trauma right away...
Now I'm fucking crying when I should be trying to sleep...
#ADHD #Neurodivergent #Trauma
@adhd group @actuallyadhd group
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i spent a sizeable portion of my childhood shut in my room with "you're not coming out until it's clean!" And without guidance on how to clean it.
I push through hard things like this as an adult with the mantra "something is better than nothing" and just chip away at things.
And I sit with my kids when cleaning their room, talk through my process and coach them. That's been really healing, coaching my kids and also my ADHD friends; it's like re-parenting myself!
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<Insert Profanities>
So the temporary system had some sort of failure, I'm not even 100% sure what caused it to be honest. It went down sometime yesterday and some of the virtual drives got corrupted, which caught the database and the virtual gateway device.
I was able to restore the system... most of the way. Thankfully there are backups of the database, but some of them were also flawed as well, the most recent intact one was from 5/16, so 5 days were lost.
To be clear, this problem was exacerbated by the fact that there's not as much redundancy in the temporary setup (sadly it looks like it'll be a few more months before I have a place of my own and can spin up my own hardware again). But I'm going to still look at how I might get those in better shape.
As far as how long it took: I had a busy day yesterday and didn't see that the server was down until I was too exhausted to do anything about it, so it had to wait until I got off work today... each attempt at restoring the database takes around an hour, so that took *a while* to get restored.
Vanessa likes this.
Image Upload Trouble
If y'all have had issues uploading images... sorry about that.
I missed a setting when re-configuring the server after transfer to it's current environment and it's fixed now.
Longer Explanation: there are two servers involved, a reverse proxy and then the actual Friendica server. The Friendica server accepted uploads up to 100MB... the proxy didn't have that setting... so it would just go for a bit, then timeout. Added that setting to the proxy and all solved.
Introduction
New here, i'm a nerd and in freetime programmer! Italian, living in Ireland
I like to do a lot of stuff, and i'm interested in: #programming #osdev #music #art #bookbinding #sewing etc.
I like crafting things basically. And writing OS (and about Osdev in general).
Also have an interest into arts, and so far i made a small bunch of paintings (i'm a newbie so don't expect high level art), i will maybe post the photos here in the future.
So far that's all, my nick in the fediverse, and outside is most of the time dreamos82.
PatsyBaloney reshared this.
Server Migration Complete
Thank you for your patience!
The server has been migrated to a new dedicated remote server (hosted with OVH) and to the newest version of Friendica (2024.03, previously it was 2023.12).
Things should stabilize mostly for the time being, but I will be on the lookout for bugs.
Vanessa likes this.
Wishmasta - Girl on the Beach
Wishmasta - Girl on the Beach - Flame2Fame Music
Imagine walking along the beach at night and then you see a girl lying on the shore, looking at the leisurely splashing of the waves, with a dreamy look.Wishmasta (Flame2Fame Music)

Shiri Bailem
in reply to Shiri Bailem • •* being grey-ace and not phased by the shrinkage
* not really having bottom dysphoria... that shit's expensive AF