You know what's great to learn at 38, right before bedtime one night, after a whole life time of struggle...
That your mother traumatized you with ADHD to the point where actually pushing myself against ADHD is a trigger... making it so no amount of coping skills can help me push myself for any real length of time...
I'd try and do something that requires a push, even a little one... and be crying... and I thought it was just the feeling of hitting my dopamine... but nooooo... now I'm unpacking that it was me getting triggered at the feeling of pushing my reserves at all...
That explains so damn much and makes me feel so damn hurt and angry...
I was forced to push myself so far so often as a kid and she didn't ever relent when I was critically over-extended on dopamine... usually around cleaning. I'm remembering so many times crying and sobbing on the floor because she demanded I clean to an extreme standard and I wasn't allowed to do anything else until I met her approval...
And I've been running my whole life fucking kneecapped by this... I thought I just had it worse than most (with ADHD) on my ability to push myself on tasks... but no... it's because I realize now I can't fucking push myself at all because my fucking brain just jumps straight to that extreme pain and trauma right away...
Now I'm fucking crying when I should be trying to sleep...
#ADHD #Neurodivergent #Trauma
@adhd group @actuallyadhd group
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Im ok with UI, actually I kinda like its minilalist feel, I guess some people might expect something different but for me is just fine.
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@contradogma it's mostly things being in weird places, easy to get lost... if you're even a little bit of a tinkerer it's no big, but for the casual computer user it gets really frustrating really fast.
ie. try and find where to go to change your profile picture.
Eric Zuesse: John Bolton represents America's billionaires , and the US Government does, too. It doesn't represent America's public; it represents only the individuals who overwhelmingly finance America's politicians; and those politicians, in turn, represent the 585 US billionaires' interests, and not the interests of the American public. The public are merely to be manipulated, not represented. wordsmith.social/protestation/…
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Caitlin Johnstone: Plutocrats have put a lot of energy into influencing government policy in order to create legislation which ensures the continued growth of their wealth and power. A lot of maneuvering has had to happen over the course of many years to create a political system wherein government bribery is legal in the form of campaign finance and corporate lobbying, wherein deregulation of corporations is the norm, wherein tax loopholes are abundant and tax burdens are shifted to the middle class, wherein money hemorrhages upward to the wealthiest of the wealthy while ordinary people grow poorer and poorer. What incentive would these powerful oligarchs have to risk upsetting that delicate balancing act by helping to circulate ideas which challenge the very governmental system they've worked so hard to manipulate to their extreme advantage? How hard would it be to simply decline to give anti-establishment voices a platform, and platform establishment loyalists instead? How easy would it be for a wealthy media owner or influential investor to ensure that only establishment loyalists are given the job of hiring and promoting editors and reporters in a mainstream media outlet? wordsmith.social/protestation/…
Coach Tim SEO
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Husband, father, transformational football coaching, digital rainmaker. SEO +Linktree
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<Insert Profanities>
So the temporary system had some sort of failure, I'm not even 100% sure what caused it to be honest. It went down sometime yesterday and some of the virtual drives got corrupted, which caught the database and the virtual gateway device.
I was able to restore the system... most of the way. Thankfully there are backups of the database, but some of them were also flawed as well, the most recent intact one was from 5/16, so 5 days were lost.
To be clear, this problem was exacerbated by the fact that there's not as much redundancy in the temporary setup (sadly it looks like it'll be a few more months before I have a place of my own and can spin up my own hardware again). But I'm going to still look at how I might get those in better shape.
As far as how long it took: I had a busy day yesterday and didn't see that the server was down until I was too exhausted to do anything about it, so it had to wait until I got off work today... each attempt at restoring the database takes around an hour, so that took *a while* to get restored.
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Test from Friendica to:
Mastodon
Friendica
Hubzilla
Lemmy
Kbin
Pixelfed
Gotosocial
Iceshrimp
FunkWhale
Peertube
🚀 Dive into the Ultimate Racing Experience with Assetto Corsa: Ultimate Edition - A Review 🚀
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🔥👍 Helldivers 2: A Thrilling and Challenging Gaming Experience 🔥👍
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A Thrilling Adventure in a Breathtaking World - My Review of Horizon Forbidden West Complete Edition 🌄🐲🔥👏
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A Thrilling Adventure in a Breathtaking World - My Review of Horizon Forbidden West Complete Edition 🌄🐲🔥👏 Hey there, fellow gamers! 👋...PixelPlayground (Blogger)
Image Upload Trouble
If y'all have had issues uploading images... sorry about that.
I missed a setting when re-configuring the server after transfer to it's current environment and it's fixed now.
Longer Explanation: there are two servers involved, a reverse proxy and then the actual Friendica server. The Friendica server accepted uploads up to 100MB... the proxy didn't have that setting... so it would just go for a bit, then timeout. Added that setting to the proxy and all solved.
Introduction
New here, i'm a nerd and in freetime programmer! Italian, living in Ireland
I like to do a lot of stuff, and i'm interested in: #programming #osdev #music #art #bookbinding #sewing etc.
I like crafting things basically. And writing OS (and about Osdev in general).
Also have an interest into arts, and so far i made a small bunch of paintings (i'm a newbie so don't expect high level art), i will maybe post the photos here in the future.
So far that's all, my nick in the fediverse, and outside is most of the time dreamos82.
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Server Migration Complete
Thank you for your patience!
The server has been migrated to a new dedicated remote server (hosted with OVH) and to the newest version of Friendica (2024.03, previously it was 2023.12).
Things should stabilize mostly for the time being, but I will be on the lookout for bugs.
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Duck Marshall 🚲
in reply to Shiri Bailem • • •i spent a sizeable portion of my childhood shut in my room with "you're not coming out until it's clean!" And without guidance on how to clean it.
I push through hard things like this as an adult with the mantra "something is better than nothing" and just chip away at things.
And I sit with my kids when cleaning their room, talk through my process and coach them. That's been really healing, coaching my kids and also my ADHD friends; it's like re-parenting myself!
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