Feeling gratitude
I'm feeling really grateful today and just wanted to share that feeling.
I'm grateful for...
* Living in a time when HRT is available
* Having easy access to it even though I live in the state of Texas
* Being blessed by the boob fairy (46B after 6-months when most trans-femmes are lucky to hit A-cup after 2 years... insert suspense tone for what that means for later)
* HRT absolutely demolishing body/hair growth and making everything very manageable
* Liking pickles before HRT so it's not as confusing
* HRT feminizing my face enough that I feel comfortable going out without makeup
* My hair, which was just a short mess before... now just magically grew into a cute bob with zero effort (and this is it's maximum length... I do lament not having longer hair though)
* Having an incredibly supportive adoptive family
* Skirts, dear god the skirts I've got now are so damn comfy
* Randomly knowing how to adjust my voice properly so I skipped voice training entirely
* A work from home job that allowed me to easily transition before ever worrying about work
* A Christian boss (also owner of the company) who was baffled at the idea I even had something to worry about with coming out at work... in a traditionally conservative industry
* Being born it Illinois which makes it trivially easy to update my birth certificate (just waiting on the legal name change documents first so I can do both at the same time)
#LGBTQIA #LGBT #TransFemme #Trans #TransWoman #Pride #HRT #AntiCisTamines #TittySkittles #AntiBoyotics #Boobs
You know what's great to learn at 38, right before bedtime one night, after a whole life time of struggle...
That your mother traumatized you with ADHD to the point where actually pushing myself against ADHD is a trigger... making it so no amount of coping skills can help me push myself for any real length of time...
I'd try and do something that requires a push, even a little one... and be crying... and I thought it was just the feeling of hitting my dopamine... but nooooo... now I'm unpacking that it was me getting triggered at the feeling of pushing my reserves at all...
That explains so damn much and makes me feel so damn hurt and angry...
I was forced to push myself so far so often as a kid and she didn't ever relent when I was critically over-extended on dopamine... usually around cleaning. I'm remembering so many times crying and sobbing on the floor because she demanded I clean to an extreme standard and I wasn't allowed to do anything else until I met her approval...
And I've been running my whole life fucking kneecapped by this... I thought I just had it worse than most (with ADHD) on my ability to push myself on tasks... but no... it's because I realize now I can't fucking push myself at all because my fucking brain just jumps straight to that extreme pain and trauma right away...
Now I'm fucking crying when I should be trying to sleep...
#ADHD #Neurodivergent #Trauma
@adhd group @actuallyadhd group
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i spent a sizeable portion of my childhood shut in my room with "you're not coming out until it's clean!" And without guidance on how to clean it.
I push through hard things like this as an adult with the mantra "something is better than nothing" and just chip away at things.
And I sit with my kids when cleaning their room, talk through my process and coach them. That's been really healing, coaching my kids and also my ADHD friends; it's like re-parenting myself!
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I shared this a few years ago but a lot has changed since then...
Not a perfect graph regardless, but I like it for communicating.
Introduction
New here, i'm a nerd and in freetime programmer! Italian, living in Ireland
I like to do a lot of stuff, and i'm interested in: #programming #osdev #music #art #bookbinding #sewing etc.
I like crafting things basically. And writing OS (and about Osdev in general).
Also have an interest into arts, and so far i made a small bunch of paintings (i'm a newbie so don't expect high level art), i will maybe post the photos here in the future.
So far that's all, my nick in the fediverse, and outside is most of the time dreamos82.
PatsyBaloney reshared this.
Wishmasta - Girl on the Beach
Wishmasta - Girl on the Beach - Flame2Fame Music
Imagine walking along the beach at night and then you see a girl lying on the shore, looking at the leisurely splashing of the waves, with a dreamy look.Wishmasta (Flame2Fame Music)
Sorry I've not been on here for a while. Been busy.
Shiri Bailem
in reply to Shiri Bailem • •* being grey-ace and not phased by the shrinkage
* not really having bottom dysphoria... that shit's expensive AF