Being disabled without any answers, tools to management, and watching it slowly degenerate is... truly awful...

I don't talk about it much because it does little good and usually it's best to just not think about it as much as possible...

I have no diagnosis, no real clue even what is going on... but over the course of two decades my muscles have gotten stiffer and stiffer. It takes more and more effort to move every muscle in my body as time passes, and the muscles move less and less... they even stretch less and less, my range of motion is drastically reduced...

And it hurts... literally constantly all the time... every muscle is constantly strained, and my legs are the worst of the bunch, but I don't know if I can say any muscle is really excluded...

It hurts when sitting, laying down, standing... just existing hurts because there is no position that puts my muscles at rest anymore...

And it's so damn exhausting... even typing this right now I feel it in my fingers...

And I have no idea how bad it's going to get, just that it's still getting worse... I have to wonder if it'll eventually end up in paralysis... (even worse, is it affecting muscular organs like my heart and lungs?)

I've got no idea what it is, and absolutely nothing to address the pain or exhaustion...

And worse yet, pain management isn't a lack of access right now... it's a lack of anything functioning because my body doesn't really respond properly to pain medication.

I have to turn up my apartment temperature as high as I can tolerate to just loosen up my muscles a little bit, and I still have to throw an electric blanket over my legs often, regardless of my sensory issues...

... and that's not even the only thing wrong with me...