Heya @actuallyautistic folks, do we have a Prime Directive around undiagnosed folks?
Trans folks have the Egg Prime Directive: don't tell someone they might be trans, because it's counter-productive in many cases (pushing people deeper into the closet).
As I disclose my diagnosis to people close to me, an unsurprising amount of them resonate with my experience and ask me whether I think they might be. I refuse to answer but share resources and offer to reply to questions about my personal experience.
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sean, with words
in reply to Quinze Plush • • •Quinze Plush
in reply to sean, with words • • •@seanwithwords well said 💜 I think positive representation is very important, same as for sexual & gender minorities.
I had a pretty prejudiced and ignorant reaction when my therapist suggested I might be autistic, and I would have hated myself after having such a reaction around a friend.
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Janet Logan 🏳️⚧️
in reply to Quinze Plush • • •My autism journey began when my first grandchild was diagnosed,. My daughter asked me to participate in a study of genetic bases for autism. If that hadn't happened, I'm not sure I would know that I was #ActuallyAutistic myself.
I was never really good at masking, and looking back, I can see the damage that did in my life when I didn't know.
I agree about positive representation. I am openly, visibly, #trans for that very reason.
@seanwithwords @actuallyautistic
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sean, with words
in reply to Janet Logan 🏳️⚧️ • • •ActuallyAutistic group reshared this.
aura s
in reply to Quinze Plush • • •Shiri Bailem likes this.
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Your Autistic Life
in reply to Quinze Plush • • •There isn't a prime directive. I go with the flow. Most of the time I learn that others are autistic or ND or might be autistic or ND when I share that I am autistic. Also, it depends on our relationship. I saw somebody two nights ago who looked like they were stimming, but I said nothing. They were the merest of acquaintances.
Conversely, I asked a girl I went on a date with whether she was ND, and she said she thinks she is, given that she was on a date with an autistic enby (me) and her girlfriends are all autistic.
Context drives what I do, but there is no prime directive. Do be prepared for backlash if you speak out of turn, however. I've not encountered the backlash, but I suppose it exists.
@actuallyautistic
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JB 🐎🏳️🌈
in reply to Quinze Plush • • •Great question. I don’t have the answer but keen to read others’ answers.
I’m genuinely not sure how I would have reacted if someone told me they thought I might be autistic. It could have gone either way. At various times in my life it could have gone very badly. But even if it did, it would have planted a seed. I rarely forget these things. Often keep pondering feedback for years afterwards. I DO wish I knew sooner, but would I have been in the right mindset to listen? Hmm.
@actuallyautistic
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Antonius Marie ⚧
in reply to Quinze Plush • • •To me it very, very much depends on how close you are to the person and their general opinion on things.
I'm openly autistic and I have told one of my niblings (who agrees, but for reasons isn't seeking diagnosis at the moment) that I think they are too.
Someone who acts negatively around the idea of me being autistic is *not* someone I'd try to tell about being autistic.
And at the end of the day, all I can do is be myself and try to field questions.
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Jo Jitsu
in reply to Antonius Marie ⚧ • • •ActuallyAutistic group reshared this.
Bernie Independently Does It
in reply to Quinze Plush • • •ActuallyAutistic group reshared this.
anomalon :gi:
in reply to Quinze Plush • • •If it's appropriate I might commiserate with shared experiences through the lens of my own autism, and share resources if it's something they're already thinking about. If it's not something they're thinking about, it's not on me to press it.
For me this has to do with the importance of framing autism as an internal state versus some slate of nonstandard behaviours as seen from outside.
I'm open about my challenges and interests. Over the past few years most of my 20+yr friendships have mentioned to me without prompting that they are autistic or exploring autism. I talk about it and when people are ready to talk about it, they talk to me. I have so many bookmarks to share.
My mom told me I was autistic when I was 8, but I know I wasn't diagnosed, and I didn't get that understanding myself until I was 40. Maybe sitting me down in front of Rain Man wasn't the right way for her to have that conversation, but if she were alive she is the one that yes, I would tell her she's autistic.
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Shiri Bailem
in reply to Quinze Plush • •@Quinze Plush no to both, I call it out when I see it. I've had so many conversations with people where their life changed from me just telling them they register as autistic.
I've been called out before when I was an egg and definitely will call out eggs as I see them, because so often they don't realize it's even an option for them.
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Zumbador
in reply to Quinze Plush • • •This is such a complicated topic.
One reason I don't tell people that I think they are autistic, is because that makes me and my relationship with them part of their self realisation.
Instead of simply dealing the question "am I autistic", now they have an additional tangle to unravel of "Zumbador is convinced I'm autistic, how will they react if I decide I'm not?"
Anyone with demand avoidance will be likely to dig in their heels and disagree with my opinion about their autism, simply because they don't feel safe being steered by me.
But I also don't think it's necessary to go out of your way to hide any hint that you think someone else *might be* autistic.
Depending on the person, you could tell someone that you wonder if they *might be* autistic. As long as you make it clear that you don't think you already know the answer.
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